Whether it’s the middle of the baseball season or the dead of winter, you can count on one constant to keep you in stitches: baseball humor! Whether you’re a fan of the game or not, there are plenty of jokes out there for everyone. Here are some of the best jokes, puns, and funny stories from around the diamond to keep you giggling all year long!
– Q: What do baseball players and a pizza delivery guy have in common? A: They can both smell when the other one is coming!
– Baseball jokes often revolve around superstitions or how long some people will go without eating while watching their favorite team play ball. One of my favorites is this gem from comedian Ron White: “I like hot dogs and I also like ketchup so whenever they’re at the game I’m like, ‘put your buns in my condiment!'”
-“A ballplayer was being interviewed before the start of play and mentioned that he had been given a new uniform number.” He asked how many players in MLB wore this particular number. The interviewer replied: “I don’t know but I can’t wait to find out!”
– “Why do they call them baseball gloves?” Because we wear them on our hands!
– “How many players are there in the MLB?” I couldn’t tell you, but I know there are three in the infield.
– “Why does baseball have a designated hitter?” So that no one will mess with him!
-“What position is an outfielder to a shortstop?” He’s just off side.”
-“Baseball players need to be smart because they’re always dealing with fractions!” It helps if they can also do long division.
-“Why don’t you let me throw the ball?” said one little boy to another on their way home from playing ball in the schoolyard.
“I can’t,” replied his friend, “because you’re not in my line-up.”
-“If I’m on the mound, would it be safe for me to use a belt?”
“No,” answered his sister. “You have to wear your pants!”
-Q: “What are the most important things to remember when playing baseball?”
A: Keep your eye on the ball. Throw underhand. Always play fair and don’t run if you’re not on base.”
-“My son has a great arm,” said one proud father, as he watched his little boy throw a rubber balloon onto the roof of their house from across the street.
“Yeah, but what’s his batting average?” asked another dad who had been listening in.
-Q: “What is the difference between a baseball bat and an ironing board?”
A: A baseball bat makes you look better when your clothes are wrinkled.
-Q: “What do you call a baseball center fielder who is always catching fly balls?”
A: A meadow.
-An umpire was about to throw Fred out of the game for arguing with him, but before he could make up his mind, an outfielder threw the ball and hit Fred in the head. He said, “I guess I’ll have to let him stay.”
-“Hey,” said one player to another on their team at bat during practice. The other guy nodded back without saying a word while continuing to swing his bat from side to side as if still waiting for someone’s pitch.”Don’t worry,” laughed the first player. “That’s just the fielder’s shadow.”
– “Batter up,” said one of the boys, as he started to swing his bat in front of him. The other boy laughed and replied, “No way! I’m pitching!”
-“I was batting last night when it got dark too quickly for me to see the ball coming at me,” said one baseball player. But another player jumped out from behind home plate and startled the batter so that he missed catching it with his swinging bat by only inches. And this happened not once but three times consecutively until finally someone turned on the stadium lights and everything returned back to normal.”So what did you do?” asked an attentive fan listening intently to the story. “I swung and missed.”
– A baseball player was in a slump, but he wasn’t worried because there’s always somebody worse off than you are. He said that an outfielder who had just caught a ball right before it bounced on his head could attest to this point of view.
-“If I’m running really fast and someone throws me out because they tagged my hand before it touched home plate, am I safe? What is that called again?” “It’s called an appeal!” answered a friend nearby.
-“What’s the fastest animal in baseball?” “The pitcher.”
You can fool some of the people all of the time, and those are your home run hitters. – Yogi Berra